Much of children’s literature creates fantastical scenarios in which the young protagonists can endure all sorts of danger that reality would never permit. It is the nature of fiction to allow us to do whatever we cannot, and when you’re a child—a point when your suspension of disbelief is at an all-time high—taking advantage of this will never be easier.
But if we stop to consider carefully, reality will eventually clock in. And it’s then when you realize that you would never make it through your education at Hogwarts. Lasting a term would be a miracle. Why do parents send their children here? It’s madness.
I understand that we’re not meant to take certain elements of the series seriously (particularly in the earlier adventures), and that some aspects of the books are engineered to ensure plot development and excitement throughout. But if I’m going to suspend my disbelief for this world, I am going for the whole package. Taking the text as Word One and leaving it there. And with that in mind… Hogwarts is a death trap. They should be sued every year or worse. The psychological scars alone would lead to a lifetime of therapy for anyone with a practical sense of mortality, and that’s without considering the constant threat of wizard war.
Just a few items that children can expect to encounter at the school during their education:
- The most dangerous sport in the world
- A forest containing murderous species
- One chamber leftover from a school founder that was linked to the deaths of former students
- A tree that can literally beat you
- Various creatures and components that can cause severe bodily harm during classes (textbooks included)
- A poltergeist that regularly assaults the student body
This short list contains beings, spaces, and items which are always located at the school. Not things brought in by outside forces, but what a student might run into on any given day because they are mainstays of the castle. So we must ask the question again—why would parents allow their children to attend such an institution?
Well, for one, it would seem that world’s magical population is blessed with a certain amount of… flexibility? Springy-ness? The wizarding world has more present danger day to day than the Muggle one, between the dragons and vampires and boggarts and Dark Arts. It forces one to wonder—did wizards adapt to outside dangers or did those outside dangers grow alongside the emergence of magic? Do magical peoples simply accept those dangers because they are so much more likely to encounter them over the course of life? If that’s the case, it makes sense that no one would think twice about encouraging their kid to play for the house Quidditch team, even knowing that accidents are common, injuries severe, and a fall from a broom would be far worse than a playground spill. It’s common to the wizarding experience.
Even young children seem to have instinctual failsafes that keep them out of the danger: one of Harry Potter’s first experiences with magic is a leap he makes onto a roof when he’s being chased by cousin Dudley and his gang of goons. We know that Neville’s family only discovered he had an ounce of magical ability because his great-uncle held him out a window and thoughtlessly dropped him—leading Neville to bounce. (The Longbottom family was lucky the kid didn’t turn out to be a Squib, or they could have been brought up on murder charges, is all I’m saying.) This is more distressing when you remember that the previous family experiment involved Neville being dropped off of Blackpool pier—where he apparently nearly drowned. That lack of regard indicates that peril doesn’t register to the magical community on the same level.
When you add wizarding medicine to that—which seems effectively limitless, at least where physical injuries are concerned—it paints a picture of relative safety. Nothing too out of the ordinary, plus a nice infirmary on the grounds where bones can be regrown as they are needed. Why worry? Everything looks to be in good order, kids are fine, move along…
But potential for injury aside, what Harry and his peers encounter in their time at the school isn’t just troublesome. It’s deadly. On a regular basis. And no one seems to be bothered until Voldemort’s name gets thrown in the ring.
Take year one: Dumbledore announces in his opening speech that the third floor corridor is out of bounds to anyone who does not wish to suffer a most painful death. The announcement itself is interesting, yes, but not the key item here—it’s the student body reaction that we should be looking into. No one (aside from a few dumb First Years who don’t know any better yet) is shocked. Surprised. Put off. Raises their hand to ask a question or voice their concerns. This doesn’t seem new or different from any other year for these kids. Which means that announcements like that probably occur semi-frequently. Don’t go into Classroom H unless you’re immune to sharpened steel! Stay away from the Quidditch locker rooms for the next month while we exterminate our pixie infestation! Don’t open the green box in Professor Sprout’s office unless you’d like a dose of plague… no, the other green box!
And Dumbledore’s warning is not an empty threat, as we soon find out. Neither is the reopening of the Chamber of Secrets, which gets announced via wall graffiti in one of the castle hallways. As soon as that threat appeared, every student should have been sent home, but… yeah, I got nothing. I cannot think of one single reason why school remained in session. This is like how I grew up in the one school district that never got a snow day, and we would watch cars slide across the ice as parents desperately tried to drop their kids off in the morning. It’s just like that, except the threat of a swift demise is more imminent and obvious, and—never mind, it’s nothing like me going to school on a snowy day. It’s much scarier.
Year three we get Dementors! We get prison guards at a school for a whole year because they’re worried about one escaped inmate. You know, whatever they thought Sirius Black might do if he got into Hogwarts, I can’t imagine that it’s worse than subjecting your students to that for a whole year. I know, they thought Black wanted to kill Harry, but you know THE DEMENTORS GOT CLOSER TO DOING THAT. See the problem? Every single student should have gotten Patronus training, and that’s not even getting into Harry’s near fatal Quidditch match. You know, the one where the Dementors sauntered onto the pitch and started feasting, thereby reaffirming that Quidditch is a pretty dangerous sport, seeing as Harry probably would have died when he fell off his broom had Dumbledore not intervened.
Should we bother talking about the Tri-Wizard Tournament at this point? Well, why don’t we, just for fun. After the first three years of terror, the Ministry of Magic decides that the best way to encourage magical cooperation across countries isn’t to do an exchange program or a summit or any other logical sort of gathering. They decide to resurrect a tournament that hasn’t been played in over two centuries. Why so long, you ask? Precisely because it was dangerous to pretty much everyone involved. (The 1792 Tri-Wizard Tournament saw the injury of the three judges, all Headmasters of the participating schools.) Kids have died in the tournament, in fact, but once your name gets spat out you’re in it to win it.
Oh, did I forget to explain that part? The part where once you’ve been selected by the Goblet of Fire, you’re stuck in a binding magical contract that forces you to see the tournament through? For some reason you’re allowed to enter into this manner of dangerous contract without the sign-off of a parent or guardian in the first place. (Again, wizard parents don’t seem too concerned.) And instead of calling the whole thing off once fourteen-year-old Harry Potter gets thrown into the ring without his say-so, they just get the year-long circus moving. The challenges are not toned down in order to make the tournament less dangerous, by the way. They are also primarily physical in nature, and rely on contact with magical beings that have no problem eating, drowning, or burning the competitors alive.
Here’s the thing—you could, ostensibly, have the Tri-Wizard Tournament without ever using the Goblet of Fire, couldn’t you? You could draw names from a hat! You could ask the students to nominate and vote on their peers! You could have the Headmasters pick their school champion after a hearty round of debate from the frontrunners! YOU COULD DO LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT THIS.
It’s no wonder that Dumbledore sees nothing wrong with letting children form an army within Hogwarts the very next year. That’s what you need to survive your education, at the very least. When Harry and Co. put their little Dark Arts fighting crew together, the wizened one was probably thinking, “About damn time. One less thing for me to worry about.”
And this is without even considering freak accidents. Ill-advised sojourns too close to the Forbidden Forest. Late-night skinny dipping that leads to a worrisome encounter with mermaids. A trick step on the staircase that you forget just once. Remember everything that scared you when you were fifteen? Now imagine that, plus whatever is intent on eating you in Defense Against the Dark Arts this week. Seven years is a long time, and you’ve got plenty of chances to turn your head away right when a troll emerges during your free period.
But it oddly makes more sense of the wizarding world, considering all of this. It takes a pretty substantial amount of jeopardy for these people to show concern. If they’re willing to let their children attend a school where bodily injury is high on the probability list each day, perhaps it would take them some extra time to heed warnings of Voldemort’s return. Perhaps these students really would feel more isolated and inclined to taking matters into their own hands. It gives these kids reign to be heroes because they exist in a society where their ability to survive is not questioned quite so carefully. They are expected to endure. To bounce.
And of course, none of this means that we don’t want a ticket to Hogwarts tomorrow. It’s just good to remember that the Whomping Willow could take you and all your friends, and still have enough energy to battle a dragon.
Emmet Asher-Perrin figures that boggarts are way more terrifying as an adult, when your greatest fears are much more abstract. You can bug her on Twitter and read more of her work here and elsewhere.
Fantastic article, thank you for the laughs! I’ve had similar thoughts, though you didn’t mention the giant squid or the ghost of Moaning Myrtle, who is there to remind the students that children definitely die at Hogwarts. Still, even her existence is more comical than horrific. Death never really seems like a possibility until the end of Goblet of Fire when everyone is all “Oh s*** Cedric died? This just got real.” At least some people pulled their kids from class at that point.
All of this is very true.
But I would survive the first day! Maybe not the first week but day one is doable. You can’t steal my dream Emily! ;)
Sergei Lukyanenko (author of Night Watch) had pointed out an even bigger flaw in the Hogwarts system:
Kids get taken from their parents at eleven, and that is when their mathematical education stops.
At eleven, you and I may have barely mastered long division. We had no idea of the math involved in a mortgage, or in how to calculate gas mileage, or how to read graphs of climate change that show an exponential curve, or anything about probability…
The wizarding world’s money system is insane, and based on prime numbers, and the people dealing with it have a sixth-grade math education.
No wonder they cannot assess risk to save their lives.
I’ve always seen Hogwarts as just a slightly extreme version of any British public school – the strong will survive, the weak don’t deserve to.
Just as after a proper public school prison is a doddle that takes you back to your much-worse youth, after Hogwarts the Dark Arts are nothing, because hey, saw worse at school. It also goes a long way to explaining just how small the wizarding population is.
The shocking lack of basic education at Hogwarts annoys me. History? Mathematics? Science? English/Literature? Anything except magic, really
Don’t forget the Care of Magical Creatures lessons. Kids are being put in close contact with extremely dangerous magical beasts, under the guidance of the least safety-minded professor ever, who has a habit of adopting and caring for stray man-eating/poisnous/otherwise deadly monsters which he thinks are cute and cuddly.
the thing with Hogwatrs and the wizarding world in general was that it was all created to be as illogical and nonsensical as possible, not unlike, say, Willy Wonka’s factory (also very child-endangering). But then Rowling used that setting to tell a long-form story that had to make sense. And that made people think of it as any other fantasy setting, only it isn’t, really.
“We get prison guards at a school for a whole year because they’re worried about one escaped inmate.”
Good point. Wouldn’t it have made much more sense to isolate Harry in a safe house somewhere and guard just him with dementors? Probably nowhere would have been as safe for him as Hogwarts, but risk the ENTIRE STUDENT BODY to protect one guy? From one other guy?
Late-night skinny dipping that leads to a worrisome encounter with mermaids.
Missed that bit. Which book was it in?
There’s a fanfic, Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, where the muggle government gets called in eventually
@3 I always got the feeling that Arthimancy was Hogwarts’ version of advanced mathmatics classes. It involved studying lots of number charts, after all. That said, it was an elective, and one that Hermione was probably one of the only students to elect.
“It forces one to wonder—did wizards adapt to outside dangers or did those outside dangers grow alongside the emergence of magic?”
At least one of those dangers–the Whomping Willow–was a wizard-made adaptation. Planted to accomodate Professor Lupin, right?
Great article! I like to think I’d survive at Hogwarts, but the system is so dangerous and competitive, and aw hell, I’m a big ol’ softie!
To be fair, the seven years that Harry Potter attended Hogwarts involved some unusual circumstances. Most (all?) good stories involve a moment of change. The years preceding Harry’s attendance might have been egregiously boring and relative free from danger—Whomping Willows notwithstanding—so we’re only experiencing Hogwarts during its most portentous and hazardous times. At least, since the old days of Padfoot, Prongs, Remus and Wormtail, or since the days of Tom Riddle.
I’d say that the magical protection afforded to the children of Hogwarts—again, barring the unusual circumstnaces of Voldemort lurking about and actively trying to harm one of its students—more than counters the dangers. I think muggle children in muggle schools have to deal with greater everyday dangers: drugs and gun violence, none of which seem to trouble the young witches and wizards much.
We know that Neville’s family only discovered he had an ounce of magical ability because his great-uncle held him out a window and thoughtlessly dropped him—leading Neville to bounce. (The Longbottom family was lucky the kid didn’t turn out to be a Squib, or they could have been brought up on murder charges, is all I’m saying.)
I’m inclined to be pretty cynical about this. I read it as Uncle Algie being willing to kill a Squib and not worrying about murder charges. That puts a pretty awful light on wizarding society, or at least some parts of it.
As for the lack of a true curriculum, I think there’s both more and less to be made of that. First, it is possible for students to learn more about the world, e.g., by taking Muggle Studies. The Muggle born and Muggle raised would know much more about the world at large than isolated pure bloods like the Malfoys. It’s also possible to learn math, because Hermione was taking Arithmancy.
But most kids weren’t, and this brings up the second point. The Statute of Secrecy seems to have impelled the pure blood wizards to isolate themselves completely from the outside world. They seem to be raised entirely within the wizarding world, having no real experience of Muggles at all. This is bound to have an impact — they’re likely to lack sympathy with Muggles, even when they don’t outright hate them.
If Dumbledore really wanted to eliminate the prospect of a future Voldemort, he’d have done much more to expose the kids to Muggles in a sympathetic way.
I’ve always assumed that Hogwarts students do have English, science, and math classes, but that Rowling doesn’t bother to write about them because they don’t advance the plot.
Source: I teach an academic core class at a school for the arts. Reading newspaper articles about my school, you might not realize that our students also learn to read.
I think the whole point of the Hogwarts School system is to instill a sense of control and benevolence to the wizarding world. The kind of power that they have and can develop should allow any group of them, no matter how small, to take over everything. With Magic.
But they don’t. They all stay hidden from Muggles, for the most part. Wizards and Witches stay out of the non-magic world and all of its affairs. They could be the rulers of everything, even just as the puppet-masters, with behind the scenes mind-control or other influences. Again, they don’t. Their whole government is separate and autonomous from the non-Muggle world. And everyone (non-Deatheater anyway) is on-board.
Hogwarts teaches about control and benevolence in a way that the wizarding world needs. Wizards learn their magic to use only in their own spheres. They know of the things out there that can kill them (and everyone else) and train to control those things. Life is hard and dangerous, but the muggles never know it because the wizards go out of their way to keep the big-bads at bay. Wizarding schools teach this above everything else, implicitly.
The other thing that Hogwarts is great at is establishing teamwork. Students are naturally competitive; the school channels this by putting them in houses and allowing larger groups to work together against others. These larger groups/houses look out for each other and work together to instill lessons deep.
As I read the series to my daughter (6 years old and loving it), I see just how powerful the wizards are, but also how restrained. They have see how dangerous things are, know their mortality, and have control over it. That is what makes them powerful.
Sophist@11, I was going to make the same point, which never really struck me in all its horror until I just started thinking about it now – Uncle Algie was presumably trying to ‘scare’ the magic out of Neville, but either never even bothered to consider what would happen if he were a Squib (as such considerations were beneath him or just couldn’t even occur to him), or just flat out didn’t care since, eh, just a Squib, anyway.
Although a more charitable interpretation may be that a)They DID rescule Neville from the pier and b)he wasn’t intending to actually drop him, I think it said he just did it because somebody offered him pie or something. That still shows an insane level of carelessness and lack of forethought or accepting that he COULD be a Squib and anticipating the consequences if that were the case and he were to lose his grip, but that’s kind of par for the course in the wizarding world. I think they must just be made of ‘sterner stuff’ and so have a somewhat lackadaisical view about safety.
I also think, perhaps due to their isolation and uniqueness and pride in how they’ve managed to scratch out a living and soceity in the midsts of sometimes hostile Muggles, in some ways they’re not willing to give up some of those unique and magical and daventurous things for the sake of a little boring safety (although I definitely would). It’s part of their identity.
I have always had some issues with this series as well. Specifically, the wizard and witch communities pathetic use of/limitations on their own magical abilities. It’s freaking magic. What are the actual limitations? The majority of witches/wizards described in the book are normal humans with a parlor trick or two up their sleeve. No wonder Voldemort is kicking your ass daily. How come none of you seem to be able to do anything of real value when you went to a magic school and didn’t learn anything but magic (no math, science, history, muggle affairs and wars, etc.) Next off, Hermione and the twins are the only people that have some sense of practicality or ability to apply magic in a different way. An example of this would be how popular the twins’ line of invisibility clothing and darkness dust was. I also always thought that Harry or Hermione should have at least realized that while the ‘killing curse’ couldn’t be blocked, so to speak, it could not pass through a physical object like a wall. I expected Hermione to be conjuring up a wall or something else in front of her when another witch/wizard started throwing dangerous spells. Or hell, make an object that conjures it for you at a touch. Last off on my rant, there is no way that muggles would not get involved somehow. It would only take one of the top government officials that know about the wizarding world to have some family member or friend diagnosed with leukemia or something before they go begging and screaming to the wizarding world to fix them. I wouldn’t be surprised if they hunted weak wizard/witches to experiment on and determine how/where the magical ability comes from and try to determine some way to neutralize it. Okay, that’s enough for my rant. Hope it doesn’t upset too many people.
Just be happy this isnt a story set in the USA…Then you would have to worry about Teen Pregnacy, Drugs, Gangs (Well they already have that in the “Houses” that the students are selected in), and other peer pressure things. Hermoine would be prego, Harry wouldve been a delinquent, and Ron wouldve been a druggy. Longbottom would be a wallflower, Malfoy wouldve been the “Cool Kid”, Luna would have been the flower child (Wait she already is), and Hogworts would be a Title I school, that would have been under State control for the Deaths & wanton destruction going on on a daily basis.
In re, Uncle Algie & Neville
It’s been mentioned by Rowling that wizards are physically different than humans. They are tougher and live longer, which is how they survive being around magic and it’s dangers. There are many instances in the books where the gang falls from heights, get thrown from explosions, and these things hurt, but they walk away relatively unscathed.
So, understanding that wizards are basically cartoon characters, that are really only harmed by magic, it makes what Uncle Algie did a bit more understandable.
Squibs are born from wizards, so I guess it’s assumed that they have the same physical capabilities of withstanding serious injury, just not the magical ability.
So when Algie dropped Neville, intentionally or not, it was with the understanding that it wouldn’t really hurt him, because he’s made of tougher stuff.
Or Squibs are physically the same as Muggles, but being a pureblood family, Uncle Algie didn’t really comprehend how delicate non magical folk are.
It’s probably because all witches and wizards are Player Characters. They start with max hit points at first level (and no d4 for these guys, either, I’m thinking at least a d10 per level) and, when they do get hit, they can go down to -9 and still just pop back up with one well applied potion.
It also helps that dismemberment (heck, even death) isn’t necessarily a career-ending injury in Hogwarts.
There are certainly a lot of things that were played for laughs, which if really looked at are quite appalling. The biggest issue is probably Harry’s treatment by his relatives which, certainly in the first book, is portrayed for comedy yet in real life anyone treating a child that way would end up (rightfully) in jail for child abuse. As you say, Neville’s treatment by his family was while not routinely as abusive as Harry’s, did involve life threatening situations that could have resulted in his death.
Even looking at the kind hearted Weasley family, we see some serious flaws in the wizarding world. While they are held up as “blood traitors” by many, they suffer their own prejudices. Look at the throw away comedic reference to the squib accountant in the extended Weasley family. Despite being “blood traitors” they are still evidently ashamed of being related to a squib, and have seemingly ostracized him to at least some extent from the family (“no one talks about him”). Throughout the books Molly seems to dismiss the idea that anything Muggle could be worthwhile (her constant embarrassment at Arthur’s interest in “Muggle gadgets”, her angry dismissal in POA that Muggle medicine could possibly do anything to help Arthur recover from Nagini’s attack).
It can be interesting to look more closely at the events and situations portrayed in the book, but it certainly does take the sheen off the whole wizarding world. :-(
And they DO learn history.
To be fair, the Goblet of Fire was designed to only allow students who were legal adults (17 years or older). However, I still agree with the aforementioned points.
The thing about Hogwarts is that it’s Darwinism in its purest form. Eliminate the weak/underpowered and the strong survive. Yes, you may have magical abilities, but how damn smart/fast are you to survive the deathtrap here?? (Ok, Ron, be VERY glad that Hermoine and Harry are your friends cause otherwises you’d be dead by book 2, you dumb git!) This may be why the Weasleys have so many kids; because they know from their own experience that not all of them will survive (RIP Fred, we hardly knew ye).
I taught middle school for many years. Lots of dangers there – potential two story falls over stairwells, industrial arts equipment that could amputate limbs, poisonous substances in science labs, electrical equipment, many broken limbs and concussions from sports, and regular practice lock-downs supervised by the local police in the building. And no magic to fix anything.
Two factors incline me to put a sinister interpretation on Uncle Algie:
1. I can’t think of any good reason — indeed, any reason at all — why an adult would dangle an 8 year old child out a window, head down, by one leg. That’s either reckless disregard for Neville’s safety or an intentional “accident”.
2. The few references we have to Squibs suggest they’re ostracized. #19 mentions the Weasley Squib, but there’s also Filch. I hate to draw conclusions from him, but he was desperate to prevent the students from learning that he was a Squib. That suggests he feared their reaction. He also resented the students and was prepared to inflict serious physical punishment. Either he’s a bit of a nut, reinforcing the OP, or he’s looking for the chance to get back at the class of people who he sees as mistreating him.
It seems a little more reasonable if you think of it as a Gashleycrumb version of, say, Tom Brown’s Schooldays – which feature caning as an official feature, twenty-mile runs, and rugby pile-ons. Or Stalky, where the most dangerous escapades are illicit but are largely winked at – which may make sense in light of the military careers the boys are being trained for.
The fact that they have to explain what a gun is in POA is actually rather disturbing. (Anybody remember the Judge vs. LAW from Buffy?) I know that pistols are not in the possesion of most criminals/cops there, but the risks involved are too great not to know. And what about wizards living in Northern Ireland during the troubles? Gettings accosted by Republicans or Unionists and not understanding that the metal tubes they are carrying can cause tremendous harm could spell quite an interesting homicide case.
(Or instructions on not getting sucked into jet turbines when on brooms, spotted by UFO/Bird watchers, etc.)
All of what was said above, but what gets me is the Wizard World’s bizarre justice system. There don’t appear to be any lawyers for the defense (Harry nearly gets expelled in books 2 and 5 because of this feature). There is also no equivalent of the Fifth Amendment, which is odd. You have 100% effective truth serums, but you also have Imperious curses which override free will.
And Dolores Umbridge– she ADMITS to ordering the Dementors to attack Harry at the start of book 5, in front of a bunch of students. Any long-term consequences for her? Nope. It must not have been a crime.
@19 and various – I think that the sheen is intentionally meant to wear off. In the first book or so, you view this world as a great fantasy world, but you realize as time goes on they have their own problems and prejudices. I’ve also thought the same thing about the ‘squib accountant’ (and the implication accounting is some boring thing that only a non magical person would do) and Molly’s general disdain of Arthur’s Muggle studies.
@21, No the Goblet accepts all comers. It was Dumbledore’s age line that kept away the minors, as the age limit was a NEW rule.
I’ve never been impressed with the Potterverse, and this essay points out some of why: Rowling chose to throw in all sorts of “wonders” (possibly to cover up weak plots) instead of being selective. IME, this is a common approach from people who think young readers want wonders rather than logic; it’s why I prefer Diana Wynne Jones et al.
OTOH, somehow all of these dangerous points don’t kill anybody; IIRC, Cedric is the first person to die at Hogwarts, and that only because he runs into something far beyond what’s built into the competition. This gives us several possibilities:
– The adults are lying about how dangerous many “features” of the school are.
– The adults are really good at blocking dangers at the very last minute, either directly (IIRC, we see this happening — just once) or by providing improbable escapes. Either of these could have happened if Harry hadn’t been able to rescue all of the underwater captives in phase 2 of GoF — but Harry, being the Hero, is lucky and wise so we never know.
– Deaths are happening, but never to any named character. (Can you say “redshirt”? Of course you can!) Whether this is disguised as expulsion or the students are just callous about anyone outside their immediate circle could be argued endlessly; neither is shown.
@15: would a magicked-up wall be material enough to stop a magic curse? We sometimes see that real artifacts are necessary to make real things happen — Godric Gryffindor’s sword must be retrieved instead of recreated from scratch — so unreal artifacts could have limitations. Some authors give lots of mechanics, often to the detriment of the story; others are much less detailed. Rowling is inconsistent, possibly because she felt she had to have mechanics to provide a curriculum.
I’ve never made it through Goblet of Fire. There is so much that doesn’t make sense, that desperately needs to make sense.
What kind of “contract” is enforced against a forged signature?
What happens if Harry just doesn’t show up for a challenge? Like, just doesn’t get out of bed?
What happens if Harry just formally forfeits each challenge, before setting foot on the field?
And, again, why are we using the goblet at all?
I’ve never made it through “Goblet of Fire”. I saw the movie, because I could just mentally gloss over these issues for the span of the film, but with the book I’ve never managed this trick.
@@@@@ 24. Sophist,
“1. I can’t think of any good reason — indeed, any reason at all — why an adult would dangle an 8 year old child out a window, head down, by one leg. That’s either reckless disregard for Neville’s safety or an intentional “accident”.”
Some adults and parents enjoy, or are indifferent to, causing pain and sufffering amongst those smaller and weaker than themselves. Child abuse, emotional abuse, and torture, can be a quite popular pastime among some adults and I’ve genuinely never understood why more people can’t/don’t acknowledge that.
I don’t know if it’s a lack of compassion for the victims, understanding, or what? But children are sometimes cruelly abused in the world in which we live. It makes sense that the same might sometimes happen in Fantasy.
@24,
I can’t think of any good reason — indeed, any reason at all — why an
adult would dangle an 8 year old child out a window, head down, by one
leg.
I get what you are saying, but in a world where people routinely survive that exact fall, with no harm, is it the same?
As this article points out, these students fall from that height, all the time, with no ill effects.
Now, I agree, it’s suspect when you consider that it’s never established whether Squibs have the same physical fortitude as wizards and witches, but to me, it’s kinda like how people who’ve never had kids don’t really understand childproofing. If your entire life’s experience has shown you that people can fall from 20 feet, and brush it off, why would it be a concern to do that to a child.
The accusation that English and Maths stops when Hogwarts starts is pretty flimsy. They might stop as discrete subjects, but it seems that Maths in particular is taught as being part of Arithmancy and Astronomy, and it isn’t too hard to see English being wrapped up similarly. You can bet Snape uses the red inked quill pretty liberally on any grammatically imperfect homework assignments, there are a number of ways to fold that into other subjects.
As for how much of a deathrap Hogwarts is, well bullying levels can be through the roof in some schools and for some students and I can say hand on heart that the dangers of Hogwarts does not sound like it exceeds the almost daily attempts at beating me into a coma I experienced in my muggle school. If anything, it sounds like it was sharing the risk.
@@@@@ 27 – What’s odd about no 5th Amendment equivalent? The right not to incriminate yourself in England & Wales (no idea about Scots law) is based in common law, not legislation (though Article 6 of the Human Rights Act is seen by some as enshrining it, given that the European Court of Human Rights generally sees privilege against self-incrimination as part of the “fair trial” Article 6 guarantees you), and it’s not uncommon for the courts to deny the right, particularly in cases where it is viewed to be in the public interest.
The stuff you learn when you foolishly agree to help law students revise for exams in return for them listening to you rant about Plato without throwing anything at you…
Don’t forget the Slytherin who was stuck in the Vanishing Cabinet for several days … student goes missing? Eh. Whatever. He’ll turn up.
@19
I never really felt that Harry’s abuse at the hands of his family was played for comic relief. I felt they were trying to make the reader more sympathetic to Harry. I do find it appalling that the Muggle authorities never got involved. Here you have a kid, who’s obviously mistreated, and “making up” all sort of fantastic tales. Teachers should have at least thought the kid was unstable, especially since he was being bullied all the time.
Regarding Molly. I’ve always felt that her dislike of Arthur messing around with muggle things stemmed from the fact that most of it was illegal and could get him fired, or worse thrown in Azkaban. Also, while I would imagine muggle medicines would work on things like broken arms. I’d never think it would be the case for magical wounds. She had every right to be mad at Arthur for trying it.
As this article points out, these students fall from that height, all the time, with no ill effects.
I wouldn’t say “no ill effects”. Both Neville and Harry broke bones falling from their brooms. But I’d agree that they seem to suffer less than Muggles would, and they get the benefits of magical healing too.
That said, I still can’t see any benefit to what Uncle Algie did and lots of potential detriment (especially if Squibs aren’t so durable). I still think he must not have cared much what would have happened if Neville had been a Squib.
Professors (such as Snape) using red ink for bad writing is quite different from actually being taught English writing skills.
Having your grades dropped for getting a skill wrong has absolutely no relation to being actually and effectively taught to master that skill correctly.
There is no indication that maths skills are actively taught in Astronomy. And Arithmancy is an elective, not a core subject. No one is actively teaching writing skills. “History of Magic” ignores all of Muggle History, apparently focusing on wars with Goblins. It doesn’t appear to involve any civics instruction, either about the Muggle government or the Ministry of Magic.
If there was any instruction in math, English, general history, civics, science, literature, ethics, religion, foreign languages, music, art, home economics, economics, etc. we’d hear about it in the books. If not as discussion of the actual classes, at the very least it would show up when the story discusses their various exam schedules.
My conclusion is that, in the wizarding world, a lone idiot and a handful of followers, such as Voldemort and the Death Eaters, can gain power and do damage because no one learns anything practical beyond actual magic, and the magical government puts far more effort into keeping magic secret than in stopping magic from being used abusively.
@20 No one remembers Professor Binns :(
An alternate point of view on squibs…
Squibs being ostracized is probably in their best interest. They can live in the muggle world and be happy productive people without being reminded constantly that they are NOT magical. Though I am not sure how that would work if they gave birth to magical children.
Filch would be a good example of this because he is miserable beyond belief. So much so that he is willing to cause physical pain to students that misbehave. The cause of his misery? Being reminded day in and day out that you are a part of this fantastic and awesome world but unable to participate. He even goes so far as to try and teach himself magic through a correspondence course!
Perhaps the Weasley’s don’t talk about the accountant because he decided to not be involved with the family because it upset him too much.
Whatever they teach in Arithmancy(which only Hermoine had the sense to attend), I would assume that is some form of basic to advanced Mathematics in their world. Not much is known about that discipline except that it teaches numerology and predicting future with numbers.
Muggle Studies is an elective and they have Art and Music as well.(Don’t remember if it is mentioned in the books but Harry Potter Wiki mentions that they are there.
The students at Hogwarts don’t seem to learn foreign languages, but the students from the other schools who come for the tournament speak English. And where did Dumbledore learn the merpeople language?
@42, I don’t know if Arithmancy is about predicting with numbers, it seems Hermione would think it’s rubbish if it was. The Professor’s name is Vector, so with the appropriate naming going on, I think we are supposed to assume it’s some advance Wizard Geometry.
Welcome to Hogwarts–hope you survive the experience!
Quite outside the school, I always wondered how wizards convinced dragons and giants and ghosts and stuff to be polite enough to not go wandering into muggle-infested areas on a regular basis.
Following up on 45, it’s not just Hogwarts which makes wizarding society so strange. Start with Azkaban. It’s one thing to have a prison. But only totalitarian societies put soul-sucking monsters to guard the prisoners. Making it even worse is the arbitrary way someone like Sirius Black got put there; you have to wonder how common this was. The few scenes we get from other trials aren’t encouraging.
Then there’s the fact that so many wizards seem pretty adept at dueling. That seems to pre-date Voldemort, which suggests that wizarding society operates much like the Old West.
Lots of wizards apparently enjoy Muggle-baiting of various kinds, to the point where there’s a whole Department in the Ministry to cover up such incidents, including obliviating the victims.
All in all, it’s a pretty dysfunctional society when you start focusing on the details.
Most of those non dark lord related dangers are being overplayed.
There is a reaction to the third floor corridor, actually, Percy is surprised because no reason is supplied for why it should be avoided. So it actually is unusual. And being hurt by Fluffy would only happen if somebody was dumb enough not to run away from the giant three headed dog! If you keep your nose clean, you’ll be fine.
The whomping willow can hurt you, but Harry’s taken hits from it and been fine, it’s not a threat to life unless you’re dumb enough to drive a car into the thing. Most people will stay away from the punching tree.
Chamber of secrets is dangerous, and they did eventually try to close the school.
Prison guards aren’t supposed to actually do anything but make people sad when they pass them a couple of times a year.
I’m pretty sure if Harry had panicked and refused to go through with it, he wouldn’t have been forced to go through with it, but he’s the type to be all ‘yeah, fine, i’ll risk my life for no reason if you tell me to’
When bodily injury can be reversed at the tap of a wand, it isn’t taken as seriously. When legit threats to life arise ‘troll in the dungeons, serial killer on campus’, the staff take things seriously.
Harry’s treatment by his relatives is a flaw of the muggle authorities, it has nothing to do with hogwarts.
@22 Ron would be perfectly fine if he stopped hanging out with Harry, it’s because of him that he gets dragged into all the dangerous stuff.
@26 They have to explain what a gun is in a newspaper. Doesn’t mean the entire society has never heard of them.
@Harry didn’t break his arm falling off his broom, he broke it due to a homocidal bludger attack.
If you keep your nose clean, and stay away from obviously dangerous things, you’ll be fine.
Quiddich. Parents take their children boxing, despite being able to look at Muhammed Ali. Plenty of parents encourage their children into dangerous sports despite the danger, because they love the sport (motorsport, alpine sport, horse riding).
As with anything in parenting, objective risk is much less important than subjective perception of risk.
Hi. Drugs, sex, pedophiles, rapists; old, unsafe cars, motorbikes; bullying bosses, bullies, unsafe working conditions, weather; famine; poisonous animals(I’m from Australia, only some of the sheep are not poisonous); HIV; banks; pharmaceutical companies; fast food chains; obesity; traffic; need I go on?
Hog warts is a walk in the park when you consider the real world, where injury may mean becoming a quadriplegic for the rest of ones life. No magical re growth, thanks!
And don’t forget the parents who send their kids to Catholic/ Islamic/ Jewish boarding schools. Only the survivors know what really happens there.
Seriously, its a wonder our kids survive in the REAL world. And a tragedy that more of them don’t.
I freakin’ love this article, but the first line caught me, because it is so far from the truth: “Much of children’s literature creates fantastical scenarios in which the young protagonists can endure all sorts of danger that reality would never permit.”
Actually, reality is so much worse!
I live in the hood and a toddler got shot a few months ago when he was playing in the park with his dad (dad had beef with another man). In developing countries, it’s downright Lord of the Flies. I grew up in the Philippines and saw little girls around 11-12 selling their bodies on my block, as well as two boys beating each other almost to death over who could sniff a bag of glue.
Unfortunately, none of them have a Hagrid to whisk them away. Us urban and third world kids would hop on that Hogwarts Express any day, thanks.
Loved the article very funny. Some people seem to have overlooked something, most of the students have NO dealings with the muggle world, so why do they need to take science, english, civics or any type of advanced math. The wizarding world has it’s own set of rules, so many things are possible there that aren’t possible here and in regards to say science-vice versa.For example they do not have electricity or phones. In regards to the Goblet of Fire I am pretty sure that the basic magic of the Goblet set the rules of the minimum age until Barty Crouch messed with it.
« Did wizards adapt to outside dangers or did those outside dangers grow alongside the emergence of magic? »
This is an interesting question. Obviously, the creatures that are capable of magic such as house elves should be hidden from Muggles, but not all “magical” creatures are capable of magic. For instance, why haven’t we Muggles ever met a floberworm? Why are hippogriffs kept secret, but not platypuses? On the other hand, owls are a well-known bird, but their reliability as a message carrier is unheard of (in fact, training them for the movies was quite an ordeal), so is this ability magic? And if so, why do we know about them?
NOT TO MENTION DUMBLEDORE’S AMAZING ABILITY OF HIRING TEACHERS THAT ARE MURDERERS