The superhero genre prioritizes abilities that help heroes fight crime and tend to ignore superpowers that don’t contribute to engaging in, and surviving, knock-down, drag-out fights. But if we were to look at the bigger picture, there is more to life than crime-fighting. Abilities of little utility in that specific field may be of far more use than any of the flashy powers.
I can think of several unappreciated powers that would improve everyday life…
Telekinetic dish-cleaning
Dishman has the ability to telekinetically clean dishes. While his efforts to create a conventional superheroic persona around that power enjoyed mixed success at best, as Dishman’s author was clearly aware, that’s more an issue of misapplication than it is inherent uselessness. Telekinetic dish-cleaning has obvious household applications and would be incredibly useful for any activity that generated massive amounts of dirty dishes (restaurants, hospitals, etc.).
I suspect we’d need multiple Dishmen to deal with the world’s dish problem.
Color modification
Would-be Legion of Superheroes applicant Color Kid was rejected because the snooty LSHers could not see useful applications for his ability to alter objects’ colors. Even in universe, this decision is baffling, because color is incredibly important in the DC Universe. Color Kid can change Kryptonite from deadly green to harmless blue, he can make objects immune to Green Lantern rings, and he could (in theory) depower Superman by turning the Sun red or depopulate the Earth by shifting sunlight from visible light to gamma rays.
In the real world, this is a fellow who can redecorate his house as often as some people dye their hair. He’s never limited to the blandly colored fashions offered today. I can think of dozens of ways color alteration by force of will could be useful in daily life and I am certain you folks can think of more.
Touch-based language acquisition
Starfire of the Teen Titans has, like every member of her species, the ability to learn unfamiliar languages by touching people who speak the language. Starfire being Starfire, the touch is often a kiss. I don’t think she can confer language with a touch, which is too bad, but she is never more than a handshake away from being able to communicate.
Again, not a flashy power but incredibly useful to everyone who does not live in a monolingual culture. Almost nobody lives in such cultures, although they might kid themselves that they do. Heck, I could use it every show at the theatre1.
Which reminds me of a long-ago comics peeve, which is that Doug “Cypher” Ramsey was killed off some thirty years ago because writers and fans couldn’t think of any use for an omnilingual character.
Ice cream creation
DC Comics’ Martian Manhunter has a multitude of seemingly unrelated superpowers: superstrength, invulnerability, flight, heat ray vision (despite being vulnerable to fire), shape-shifting, invisibility, super-speed, intangibility, and as one adventure revealed, the ability that inspired this essay: he can use “all the powers from the void of space” to create ice cream.
I admit that all of Martian Manhunter’s other powers are pretty neat. At the same time, how often have you really needed to be invisible2, or super strong, or able to walk around stark naked without anyone noticing? Not often, I bet. But creating ice cream out of nowhere has a million uses! …OK, it has one use but it’s a great use! Who doesn’t like ice cream3?
These are just a few of the seemingly minor or ludicrous superpowers that on reflection would be marvelous to possess. I am sure there are more. Feel free to mention them in comments below.
- Although knowing more languages would undermine my pretense that I do not know the meaning of certain epithets slung at me by irritated audience members.
- I am looking forward to the comments relating hilariously embarrassing incidents in which invisibility would have been useful.
- Perhaps the lactose intolerant. But I strongly suspect that the Martian Manhunter can create lactose-free ice cream. About the only power better than ice cream creation would be Hostess Fruit Pie creation, but that would just be silly.
